Dreaming of Simpler Times

This blog was written at the very start of the pandemic and before the murder of George Floyd. These sentiments now seem as ancient as the memories that made me nostalgic.

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As the sun set, early in quarantine, Lliam decided to mow the lawn and put Ruby on his lap. The sun was setting and it turned everything a brilliant gold. Ruby ran around the yard like a typical toddler... It was super cute so I took some photos.


When I uploaded the pictures that night, despite the fact there were a lot of cute ones (I'll share those later), it was the blurry, out of focus ones that resonated and kinda made me sad and nostalgic. They reminded me of old photos back in the day, when you'd turn your film into CVS or Walgreens and sat around in anticipation to get them back after three days. You never knew what you had! And in your envelope of photos, there were always the 'fuck-ups,' the ones that were blurry or out of focus and you just had to suck it up and keep the memory for what it was.


Well, these 'fuck up' photos sent me back to my childhood. And simpler times. And man, it made me nostalgic to give her every 'non-convenience' I possibly could as a mother. To just let her run around care-free as a kid. To let my whistle bring her in for dinner. Before the dark web, sex trafficking and pandemics. Before cell phones and text messages daily that demanded immediate responses. Where you'd go our for a night with the girls and come home to listen to your answering machine and not call anyone until after 9am the next day. Who'd have thought at 41 I'd be the old lady already dreaming about 'the way it was?'


I'm crazy grateful I'm a Gen X-er. I think to be a millennial born into technology, maneuvering through selfies and texting, youtube and personal branding, as a kid would be insanely hard. I imagine it's incredibly difficult to know who you really are when everyone around you is an influencer and influenced. Everything is filmed. 'Everyone' is famous and a lot of it feels meaningless.


My generation got to be KIDS. I'm sooo grateful for that. It was a simpler time and I'm nostalgic for it. And damn, if looking at these photos makes me want to give that to my daughter.


I wish I could do it all again. I'd make soooo many better choices. But most of all, I've learned a lot in my 41 years and I really hope as a mother, I can teach her at the start what it took me years to learn. I hope I can give her a better future. And honestly, I don't know how to do that in this climate or culture.


Of course I will do my best to raise a kind and loving human being. But in the meantime... I'm happy to let my daughter play and exist in these photos through my memories. I think I'm the one playing.





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Waynesville/Asheville Area, NC

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