I've been incredibly MIA since the start of this pandemic, maybe since we moved here even. Truthfully, I've just been doing my best to 'ride the wave' of all that is going on.
Typically, going with the flow of life is a doable practice for me as long as I make time to mediate or quiet myself. But in this energetic tsunami, 'going with the flow' feels like hanging onto a palm tree while continuously being pummeled by debris. Needless to say, I've had a LOT of 'Lieutenant Dan' moments with God.
I have a SHIT TON to do. I can't stress that enough. For various reasons, I need to be working, like, YEARS ago. The stress, the debt, the uncertainty of having no income can oftentimes feel like drowning. My sis, who is now disabled, is currently driving across country (battling her own storms) to move in with us, so I have plenty of cleaning & organizing to do in the house that is just not getting done. It's impossible with Ruby right now. This also means I need to find a studio space outside of my home which is also time & money I don't have. And Lliam has been working on our bathroom the past nine months so I've been with Ruby more than either of us can stand, weekends are more of the same and it feels impossible to make alone time.
It's... A LOT. And everyone I know that has any modicum of awareness is feeling it, too.
With that said... When I meditate, pray and ask my oracle decks for guidance, you know what I am continuously told despite the anxiety of laundry and impossible list of to do's? TO FUCKING PAUSE.
TO REFLECT. TO GO WITHIN. TO HEAL.
This seemingly unfair and obliterating tsunami of energy thrown at us on a daily basis does not give a shit about our 'to do' list, it wants us to heal. We are on the brink of every emotion, every moment of the day and this is creating the perfect energetic surroundings to heal old wounds.
I'm not saying any of it makes sense. Hell, the other day I went down a rabbit hole of e-mails and came across a time when friends were consoling me about getting passed on at The Groundlings. I had made it though the sketch lab and then they passed on me to go any further.
At the time, I was utterly devastated. That was probably 15 years ago? Well, reading a couple of these e-mails, I just began sobbing. Hard. For like AN HOUR. There's no rhyme or reason to it and I was truly embarrassed for myself! I've LOVED my life, I've had some failures but a ton of successes & happiness. I had moved on like grown adults are supposed to? lol Clearly, there was something in me that still needed healing from that. So I let it out and cried... Below is a little 'real instagram' for ya.
**This is not that night, this was another day of healing because life is hard and there's a ton of layers to this shiz. What comes up unexpectedly needs to come out. There's nothing courageous or brave about 'adulting' and keeping our emotions in. Society lies to us about that.
But the Groundlings e-mails got me thinking... Is this a pattern in my life? What else hasn't healed? When else have I been passed on? Where else in my life was I not 'picked?' Where have ventures in my life, love & business have things not worked out? Holy crap, too many instances to name. How have these instances become ingrained patterns of emotion that the rug will always be pulled out form under me? And ultimately, how have these feelings become how I manifest my life?
Spirit isn't asking me to find a studio space and 40 clients to photograph by next Tuesday so I can make an income yesterday. It's not asking me to hustle right now. It's asking me to fucking stop and do the work. And I believe that's the case for most of us these next couple of months.
So I put this question out to you... Are you making time to pause? Are you doing the work? Are you listening to the messages you're being given to stop, reflect and heal? To really think about what you want in your life beyond these 'unprecedented' times?
The more we cling to what was and what WE want, the harder this is going to be for us. The more we let go, the more we go with the flow, the more we heal, the more we'll come out like new people on the other side of this. The payoff WILL be worth it.
Imagine a world of healed people. Close your eyes and imagine it... We all want this, no? Make it possible. Start with YOU. xoxo