This is a really gorgeous picture of me, right? Now I know you’re not going to believe this… but YES! I DO wake-up this way! Now before you hit the ‘envy’ button on your Instagram (because I know how icky one can feel comparing yourself to other mom’s feeds), don’t worry! Today I’m going to share with you ALL of my tips and tricks so that YOU, awesome reader, can not only look as feed-worthy BUT! You can also watch your Instagram follower numbers go through the roof. THIS is how I increased my followers from 504 to 515 in just one year! And guess what? You can, too!
So, let’s get started! My top ten ways to look THIS good in the morning:
1. Keep Your Make-Up On From the Night Before
What??? I know! With a newborn, I always want to look as fresh as possible for my husband or the public if I have errands to run that day, and the best way for me to do this and still not miss a beat is to keep my make-up on. This way, when I wake up, I’m all ready looking beautiful and ready to go. And hello! TIME SAVER. Smiley face!
2. Wear Flannel
Now I’m not talking about the cute fitted flannel that is hanging in your closet that you can’t fit into anymore. (Be kind to yourself, Momma! Wear what’s comfortable!) I’m talking about the flannel your dad sent you when you first started living in the mountains and you were 86 pounds lighter. At the time those flannel shirts were fifty sizes too big and you looked like a truck driver, but ever since you got pregnant at your heaviest weight and gained an extra 45 pounds, they look magical!! You will be warm and comfortable, and the best part? They’re long enough to cover your yoga-pants-wearing, still-look-pregnant ass! Now if anyone has yet to see this trend on Instagram, just tell them ‘Large Marge Sent Ya!’ and only the hippest on-trend moms will get the reference. #WearFlannelPeeWee
3. Wash Your Hair and Shower Only Periodically
By now everyone knows that a little oil is amazing for your hair! But I’ve got the no-shower time frame sweet spot: three and a half weeks! By the end of three and a half weeks, not only will your hair curl naturally but the scent of your hair will begin to cover up the sweaty musk of the rest of you. A total win-win! And newborns= high expenses, so saving daily on shampoo and deodorant? BOOM. See? You’re already crushing it! Yay-sies!
4. Continue to Wear Your Maternity Pants
Many women are under the misconception that after giving birth, you should try to fit into the clothes you wore before you were pregnant. I’m here to tell you, take your time! By wearing extremely large maternity sweatpants, you wake up every morning feeling like you’ve lost a ton of weight! “And when you feel good, you look good!” So true. #YoureATen
Now that I’ve given up my maternity pillow (lovingly dubbed ‘The Marshmallow Man’), I’ve been snuggling with my husband again. (Gotta keep the embers burning!) This has been awesome as I’ve been able to use him as my drool mat. Unfortunately, my honey just nabbed an awesome, new full-time job so he has to get up every morning by 4:45am. This has cut drastically into my drool time. So what to you do? Drool on YOU! Scientists working with baby pandas in China have discovered that drooling on one’s own skin can not only moisturize but crust the surface of your skin.
We all know what moisturizing can do, but crusting’s benefits are by far superior to its moisturizing predecessor! When drool crusts the skin, it keeps all toxins, dirt and oils on the OUTSIDE of the skin as a protective barrier. I’ve begun to use my drool on the daily in place of cover up and you wouldn’t believe how many heads I’ve turned! Not to mention fast, affordable and convenient. Truth!
6. Chapped Lips Mean You’re a Good Mom
You may have seen gorgeous moms with full, lush lips on Insta and thought maybe you need to catch up on those make-up tutorials. I’m going to nip those thoughts in the bud! Imagine this… you’re running around all day– feeding, changing your baby, pumping, on diaper duty– not to mention, all of the household chores. You’re bound to get a little dehydrated, am I right? Well, what’s a little dehydration when you know you’re putting your perfect, adorable munchkin first? When you have chapped lips, this shows you’ve made no time for yourself and other moms will be in awe at how devoted you are to your baby. Awww…
7. Let Your Breasts Leak
Girl Power! That’s right. When you accidentally sleep through pumping sessions and you wake up to a wet, milk covered t-shirt, don’t hide it. We live in a patriarchal society that is geared toward the desires of men. Anything that women have to deal with– periods, leaky boobs, postpartum emotions are ‘icky things’ to men in power. By letting your breasts leak free and naturally, you’re showing your male counterparts that you’re not afraid of being a woman and deserve to be seen. (Also, as we learned in college, there’s nothing sexier than a wet t-shirt! Am I right?) #SexyHotFeminism
8. Don’t Bother With Manicures
A gorgeous color on nails looks great, I’m not gonna lie. But when our nails are covered, we can’t see what’s under them. By unearthing what the crud is under our nails, we get to relive what we’ve experienced the past week. You might be forgetting about the chicken tikka masala you made the night before while you’re little was sleeping, or the dirty diaper you just changed. Like a paleontologist discovering a new set of dinosaur bones, don’t lose your history! Our babies grow up so fast, that every moment counts.
9. Don’t Sleep
This one’s pretty obvious. The less sleep you get the more time you have to spend with your baby. And when you spend time with your baby, you have that natural glow that women envy! And if you’re worried about the bags under your eyes? No worries. Revisit rule #1!
10. Be Original
And finally… Be YOU! When you scroll through those #InstaMoms with perfect feeds and all-white branding, how do you plan to stand out? If you look at the photo above, you’ll notice I took this picture in the bathroom of a house we’re renting. The lighting is harsh and bathroom is covered in busy wildlife wallpaper and old elixir advertisements. How often do you see THIS on Insta? Exactly. AND! In the photos below you’ll notice how my flannel shirt is plaid like the bathroom wallpaper is plaid. Coordinating with your background always makes a photo stand out! Something you don’t see very often. While you may not get every sponsor or endorsement like the other moms, you’ll get the ones that count and THAT will make all the difference to your pocketbook!
That’s it! See how easy? And just to show that you can use these tips in ANY situation, here are some other shots:
Pleased With Ourselves Look
Thanks so much for reading, you guys! And if you liked this post at all be sure to subscribe to MandiCrocker and share with all of your friends! Kisses! *Mwah!*