I feel a beautiful expansive energy in my life right now and I'm crazy grateful. :)
After a very long 'dark night of the soul' and an extensive amount of healing work over the past two years, I feel my energy changing. I see myself in the mirror again. And when this has occurred throughout my life during various times of spiritual awakening, I come out on the other side of this darkness holding a bag of miracles and other divine blessings. When I begin to sparkle there are always people in my life that like to say, "Again?! Man, things always work out for you!" or "Things don't work out for me like they work out for you." It's annoyingggg, lol... Because I know all the work I've done!!!
And while I want to shake the hell out of said people, don't worry, it comes with a heaping dose of compassion. Because, ohhhh... the things they haven't seen. No one sees the work. The blood, sweat and tears. The sleepless nights. The ache. The loneliness. The hopelessness. The fear. Oh my GOD, the fear. Everyone just sees the sparkle like we livin' on Instagram.
So today, I thought I'd share some of that work I'm doing now so that when I have Bradley Cooper on my arm, and we're posting pictures from our mansion in the hills, y'all will know I manifested that shit. ;)
I'm also sharing some self portraits I attempted on the Winter Solstice. I hadn't even considered them because I never got the focus right. They're also blown out and not edited, so don't judge too harshly, lol. But I actually really like them! There's a blur about them and that feels a lot like my life right now. Floating in the abyss of the unknown. Without any knowledge of what is next, it's one big question mark. Needless to say, I am doing my best to 'lean in' to the beauty of the journey. It's hard but worth it.
So what am I up to?
(About 5'9 my dad would say).
1) FOLLOWING MY INTUITION WITH RECKLESS ABANDON
I follow my heart, full stop. Rationality and logic are fantastic for grounding, building and financial productivity, but a monkey mind of fear will keep you from manifesting anything in your highest good real quick! I follow my intuition over anything-- the advice of friends, the expectations of parents, the pressure of our culture... I trust me. And I trust my relationship with my guides, angels and my higher self. We're a team. A force. You're never alone when you have friends. ;)
2) SELF CARE: I AM THE PRIORITY
Not the most popular idea in most circles, as it comes across as selfish. *triple dog face palm* But first and foremost, I take care of myself. I don't always need this much attention but during transformations and spiritual awakenings, the amount of quiet that this empath needs is like... impossible. All of these things below require time and in the recent few months, I've stepped into my power and given myself the time like I never have before. Whether it's salt baths, walks, creative bursts of inspiration, a weekend alone at a hotel, day trips and adventure or just having fun and giving my brain a break, it's like I couldn't ask for too much time right now. That's how important I am to me. And ooooh, dawgie, I am TAKING IT.
Meditation is hard, I get it! I do my best to do about 20 minutes a day. Either a guided mediation online or I'll do some reiki on myself (really enjoying this lately)! Sometimes, I'll just light a candle and watch the flame. If I'm feeling fancy, I'll use a special colored candle to symbolize my intentions: green for money, pink for love, etc. While we can't completely quiet our mind, 'less is more!' And it truly works wonders on your stress, especially if done regularly.
3) GET OUT IN NATURE
At least 3-4x a week I'll go to the lake near us and do a 2.4 mile loop. I check in with myself about what kind of walk it needs to be. Sometimes I need to burn off stress and it's more of a work out, some days I really just need to ground and get outside. For the latter, I'll walk slow in gratitude and wonder. Sometimes I'll stop and meditate for a bit. Rubes and I will go on a hike or play in a waterfall somewhere. Being out in nature (among the fairies! :) ) is the fastest way to feel connected to the world around us. You'll meet friends in the trees and the birds. You'll hear the sounds of abundance-- bees buzzing, birds chirping... the connection to all life. Life feels more possible, you feel more grateful when you're connected. This really helps in the peace department! It's soul filling and grounding. It refuels the tank!
I've always wanted to do yoga regularly but it's expensive and I always told myself I never had the money. With $50k in debt between hospital bills for gallbladder surgery, skin cancer and trips to the ER, not to mention the past two years of what I like to call 'Covid Credit' and a business I'm releasing... Life is beyond stressful. So while you might think it more productive to not spend money on anything else (and definitely this is what you'll hear from our culture), I feel it's the best investment I could have made right now. I knew the prices before I went. I was prepared to pay anything for my mental and physical well being. My intention? I'm the priority in my life. I always put on my own oxygen mask before attempting to help the world around me.
I signed up for a consultation at our local yoga studio. It sounded healing and the space was beautiful. Wouldn't you know they had a scholarship available! They gave me six months of unlimited classes for next to nothing. In our culture, I had no business taking yoga classes. I probably should be home freaking out about a job and money. I should be raking myself over the coals for the situation I'm in, living a life of guilt and shame. Telling everyone in my life what I can and cannot afford hoping for someone to save me. (Though I do take checks). ;)
How do I feel about this American construct? ............ *farting noise*.
To live the life you truly want... you have to live that life. You have to be who you want to be NOW. When we co-create with the Universe, only saying yes to the things that serve us, our passions, our dreams---- not letting fear get in the way-- we're greatly rewarded. This is how things work out for me.
Not to mention, these classes are giving me LIFE, y'all!!! Holy crap, I'm IN LOVE with yoga!!! I feel amazing. My body, being WRECKED from pregnancy, is getting aligned and feels better and better. BEST MONEY EVERY SPENT EVER!!!! *farting noise* (That was a happy fart!)
5) FINANCIAL COACHING:
I also reached out to a financial coach this week. It is my highest intention to never be 'poor' again. I want an empire, full stop. Money and power don't buy happiness but they do earn you a seat at the table of power where decisions are made. I'd like my vote to count and I have a lot of good I'd like to do.
Aside from debt, I also have a daughter to support. So I'll need to know the best plan of attack to relieving myself of debt and how to build wealth for the future. A majority of us have money blocks from childhood, generations of various lies we've been told, so there's a lot to relearn and deprogram.
Again, I expected to credit card a lot-- possibly hundreds of dollars a session. In my gut, my financial well being-- Ruby's safety!-- was worth it. "It's the gift that keeps on giving, Garfield!"
Guess what else? I learned that my coach has a sliding scale and works with those she's coaching. I'm barely paying anything a session!! This is how the universe shows up for me. It's not a brag. I will always make that phone call. Most people will usually make the excuse. Useless and impossible are not words in my reality. This is also how I manifested a house, mind you...
Me: "Hi there, I'd like to buy a house eventually down the road? It's nothing I could afford now but what do I need to do now to make that happen?"
Broker: "Actually there's a ton of programs for nothing down for first time home buyers. Also have you heard of an MCC credit?"
Whether it's shadow work, healing the past, healing ancestral lineages, past hurt from relationships, current hurt from relationships, wanting to feel empowered, manifesting intentions, making gratitude lists, I'm always journaling. If you're really in your shit, I can't recommend morning pages enough. Writing three pages of pure, unbridled, unadulterated CRAP every morning if you can swing it. Whatever is in your brain, get it out on paper. The more you expunge, clarity follows. After a few days, you'll see personal patterns in your thinking. And you'll be so sick of listening to yourself whine, you'll want to do something about it- ha! BLESS.
7) HOCUS POCUS:
This isn't imperative, this is just my own spiritual practice. But since 'coming out' with my Carnelian Spirituality & Tarot youtube channel, where friends and family can't NOT know that I'm stepping into my psychic and intuitive abilities, really seeing how far I can go and stretch, I take a lot of time to ground myself, go within and do my best to really listen and develop. What is for my highest good? I look for signs, synchronicities, I'm always in communication with my guides, angels, ancestors and crossed over loved ones. When I wake up, I write down any dreams I remember. I do tarot readings and pay attention to the moon cycles. I've begun doing rituals and spells. I attend shamanic fire circles. I'm stepping into my witchy lineage and loving it. I've never felt more connected to the divine. Never felt more connected to the world around me. There's no 'darkness' or 'evil' in what I do but... P.S. Can't wait to be burned at the stake!
8) FUN, B*TCHES!!
I actually suck at fun when I'm stressed. This Virgo ascendent is a worrier as the day is long! So I'm always grateful when my readings remind me to have fun and get out of my head! When stress overtakes our lives, we have a tendency to think we need to stay in misery until we figure life out. Pretty much the WORST way to manifest change, little lambs. Fun is THE WORLD'S GREATEST WAY to raise our vibration!! I've gone to karaoke with my sister. Sometimes we'll go out to dinner someplace new. I try to dance as often as I can. I went to Atlanta when I learned it was a three hour drive & my bestie was flying home to see her parents. We went on the Walking Dead Tour in Senoia, GA which was LIFE ALTERING. I got some super cheap new acting headshots (a whole other miracle for another time). Ruby and I will go out for hikes. I also really want to learn fly fishing and how to ride a motorcycle so there might be classes in the near future? Skies the limit.
Fun is not bad, selfish or a waste of time. Especially for those that are anxiety prone worriers like myself! And balancing work, spirituality and play in my day to day life manifests over money fears any day. Truly. I have manifested the most magical things in my life when I have been dead broke.
That's the scoop, campers! I'm sure there are other things I do... And for the record, I am completely HUMAN. All of this stuff comes and goes. But magic happens when we are balanced, in our bodies and trusting all the goodness that's coming.
I promise the universe doesn't love me anymore than you. You are just as worthy and lovable!! Just show up for yourself and have faith, little lambs. Sending everyone beautiful love and light. I love you all. xoxo